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Conflict, The Church & Mediation
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CONFLICT is a normal part of life and therefore can be expected to be present in congregations. However, since church is a place where we deal with long-standing relationships, values, faith, and our relationship with God, conflicts in congregations can be even more intense, difficult and even destructive than they are in community & workplace.
These conflicts have the potential to tarnish and even destroy a congregation’s community life and ministry. They may go “underground” but they do not go away and their negative impact continues.
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JESUS, in Matthew 18, in one of only two places where the Gospels record him using the word ‘church,’ gives the congregation and its members the mandate to intervene in unresolved conflicts between fellow-Christians. In Matt. 12 Jesus places our relationships with each other second only to our relationship with God in importance in our lives and spiritual journeys. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 3, insists that factions and unresolved conflict in the congregation are destructive and must be dealt with. In 1 Corinthians 6 he encourages the church to have leaders available to intervene in disputes that arise. All this would suggest that conflict intervention and mediation are integral to the Gospel and to the life of the congregation.
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MEDIATION is a way of intervening in conflicts that:
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- Takes seriously the interests and concerns of all parties involved
- Creates the possibility & potential for resolution & reconciliation
- Fits well into the context of congregation & community life
- Respects both the interests of the individual & the concerns & health of the community
- Places the responsibility for resolution & the future of the relationship with the people in the dispute
- Is non-adversarial without belittling the seriousness of the issues
- Is consistent with the Gospel & Jesus’ way of peace
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THE MEDIATOR is a neutral third party whose role is to help those in the conflict to talk to each other and listen to each other in ways that are respectful so that understanding can grow and resolution & reconciliation can occur. Though a mediator may on occasion offer suggestions based on what the parties have said, the mediator will not impose a solution on the parties. The mediator will not assess blame nor determine outcomes. The responsibility for resolution rests with the parties.
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HOW CAN GRASSLANDS MEDIATION HELP YOUR CONGREGATION? |
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- We can design & deliver a training program for people in your congregation in a way that will create a team of resident mediators available to help fellow congregants to resolve disputes between individuals, and help your church work at larger disputes that may be present in the congregation, now or in the future. The skills these people learn in the training will serve them and your church well as they participate on the various boards and committees that are part of congregational life.
- When conflict has caused factions to form or involves the leaders and/or pastors, your congregation in all likelihood will need an outside mediator. Grasslands Mediation can provide a mediator to assess the nature of the conflict. The mediator will facilitate meetings where parties will be helped to express themselves and listen to each other so that understanding can grow. We will help the parties explore options for resolution and for how they will relate, finding ways that are healthy, constructive, and
true to the Gospel,
- When individuals within the congregation are in conflict, they may be referred to Grasslands Mediation by the pastor, deacons/elders, or other concerned people in the congregation. It would be expected that the parties in the conflict themselves contact us. For more details on this process, see the brochure, Mediation: Is this an option for you?
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WHY USE A MEDIATOR FROM OUTSIDE THE CONGREGATION? |
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- When the dispute involves groups or factions within the congregation or is between the leadership and the congregation, the church’s own trained mediators may be part of the conflict, or may be perceived to be part of the conflict. Therefore, their impartiality is in doubt, negating their effectiveness.
- When two or three individuals are in conflict, they may feel more comfortable and be better able to be open with the issues when mediated by an outsider whom they will not meet at the next committee meeting or worship service.
- There is less danger of the details of this conflict becoming part of future relationships and/or conflicts in the congregation or between individuals.
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WHAT DOES IT COST?
Grasslands Mediation is not subsidized by donations or grants and so the fees charged must cover the salary of the mediator and the costs of running the office and offering the service. The specific costs will depend on the nature of the conflict and the consequent time spent by the mediator. Call our office for more information. We are committed to being as clear as possible about costs before you commit to the process. Most churches and church organizations qualify for a discount of up to 50%.
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HELPING YOUR CONGREGATION DESIGN & ACHIEVE ITS FUTURE |
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Do your church & its leaders know why your church exists, where it is headed, and how it will get there?
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Designing your MISSION
Every company, organization, and congregation has a reason why it exists. That is its MISSION. For each congregation, like any other organization, it is crucial that the MISSION is well-defined, clearly articulated, and whole-heartedly understood & owned by everyone. The MISSION guides every decision that is made and determines every action that is taken by each person, committee, & board in the congregation. To ensure that happens, each person—pastor, chairpersons, committee & board members, congregational members—must know what the MISSION is and own it as theirs.
Is your MISSION clearly stated? Is it understood, and owned by each person in your congregation? Your congregation consists of creative, motivated, qualified people, but are they all pulling together so that your congregation can achieve its MISSION?
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Discovering a VISION
Everyone in your congregation may know why you exist. They may be working together. But, do they have a VISION for what can be a year, 5 years or 10 years from now because of your congregation, and is it a SHARED VISION?
The possibilities are endless, limited only by your imaginations, the power of God, and the gifts & resources God has given you.
What could be if you dreamed together? Fewer hungry children in your community? Less stress in homes and families? A keener sense of God among your members? A 10% or 20% growth in membership?
What might happen if you could harness the creativity, motivation and giftedness of all the people in your congregation, have them dream the same dream for your church & community, and then join in making that VISION real?
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Setting GOALS
You know why you exist and you have a vision for where your congregation will be in one year or five years. How will you get there?
Fulfilling your MISSION and achieving your VISION will only happen as you plan your immediate and more long-term future by setting achievable and measurable GOALS. These GOALS are the steps that will lead you to the future that you envision. Achieving the GOALS will mean you are fulfilling your MISSION and making real the VISION you have for your congregation.
What are your GOALS for the next month, the next year, the next three years? Do each of your committees and boards have GOALS, in line with the congregational MISSION, VISION & GOALS? Do they have GOALS that can be achieved and measured?
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AN OUTSIDE FACILITATOR CAN HELP YOUR CONGREGATION! |
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When you design your MISSION, discover your VISION, and set your GOALS, you want every member of your congregation and leadership team giving their full attention to the task at hand. Bringing in an outside FACILITATOR to lead the process will free them up to do so. The FACILITATOR ensures that the process is sound and on tract, while your people give all attention, energy, focus and creativity to the MISSION, VISION, & GOALS of your congregation.
In this way the outside FACILITATOR will harness the creativity, diversity, motivation, and skills of your people that make your congregation as good as it is. Pulling together, they will make the plans that ensure you will achieve the future you envision and God has for you.
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Call Grasslands Mediation for a free, confidential, no-obligation
conversation about your situation and whether our involvement as
mediator/facilitator would be an appropriate way to deal with the matter.
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